History Girl

Eric?

2007-05-04T02:45:00.000-04:00

Hypothetically speaking, how bad would it be if I went to visit Eric for a few days? It wouldn't be just to visit him, but to get to spend a few days chilling in Asheville and checking out the town and the job market. Its probably too small for me; if I ever moved down that way, I'd most likely end up in Charlotte (love, love, love that city!!). Its kind of weird because we've been a little flirty with each other lately, falling right back into that old pattern with each other. I don't want anything from him, and I'm sure as hell never going to have sex with him, but I could really use a hug right now. I was telling a friend the other day that I really wanted an Eric hug right about then, and I still feel the same way. I was actually online earlier, checking how long it would take to get down there and looking at hotels in the area. Then I made the mistake of "casually" mentioning the idea to my mom, who naturally flipped out at even the posibility. Would it be so bad if I just got in the car while she was at work and left her a note? :-) OK, so I won't be doing that, but I am giving this a lot of thought.

Evidence

2007-04-23T03:50:00.000-04:00

I never thought the day would come when I found myself gathering evidence to prove that someone exists, but here I am doing it anyway. K and R left the hotel about an hour ago, and we did some brainstorming/compiling. Actually its been going on for a little while now, with the whole lot of us doing it last night too. There's a big part of me that wants to say "fuck it all". Why should I work my ass off on this, when the people that matter believe me anyway? I'm sure as hell not staying in Dayton after all this, not when 2 of the people I considered good (maybe even best) friends, are making suicide jokes behind my back. If you knew my history, you wouldn't even think of joking about that. My depressive episodes are really bad, and there was a moment tonight where I was standing in my hotel room with the window open and staring down at the ground, wondering what would happen if I just end it now. This Jack thing....its insane. Was his name even Jack Meuller? Or was that a lie too? My friend K2 came up with a theory of her own that she's working on right now, along with a little help from her cop step-dad, and if she's right, it makes me sick.

I left a message with the apartment complex where he "lived", to see if they have a Jack Meuller living there, but I doubt they'll give out that information. If K2 is right though....it would explain a lot of things, like why I always got his voicemail when I called his office, why his apartment was so neat/clean, why we always spent time at my place, why he couldn't do as much stuff as I wanted. It's a creepy thought. Sorry for the following, but I'm trying to gather my thoughts.

EVIDENCE?
(1) J had an online convo with M while I was at the club with B, S, and J.
(2) J had one with B while I was at the club with S.
(3) J2 talked to J on the phone one night, but some people think he's made up too.
(4) T also talked to J on the phone, but he doesn't have a myspace.
(5) K2 pointed out yesterday while re-reading the email from J, that when he sent it, I was driving home from Dayton, but I guess that doesn't matter.
(6) Matt, Lily, and other people met J at that party in Louisville, but after what happened with Matt, I threw away his number and I don't know how to get ahold of him.
(7) The same thing happened with Jeremy. He hung out with J and L, but we aren't talking anymore. I have his number, so I could call him, but what would that do? He doesn't have a myspace, so what am I supposed to do? Ask him to call a bunch of random people who's numbers I deleted?
(8) I got a text message from a cell phone in Louisville, and then the fucker called my house Saturday morning, about 2 hours before I left town. The text is saved in my phone and the number is saved on my caller ID. K's going to check tomorrow at work and at least find out who the provider is.
This makes me fucking sick and if K2 is right, its only going to get worse, a lot worse.

Lonely

2007-04-22T22:09:00.000-04:00

I'm sitting 20 minutes from 2 of my best friends in the world, and I couldn't feel more alone. Last night was awesome, but all it did was remind me how much I miss them and how much I hate Dayton (with a passion of a thousand suns). We got up at 10:30, and I decided to stick around for an extra night, so I ran downstairs to reserve the room again. K and R left about 11 and I thought I'd go back to sleep since we were up until 5-ish, but I ended up watching Bridget Jone's Diary for the 400th time and then running off to buy some snacks. I'm definitely a stress eater so this week has been hell on me. I went from thinking that one of my best friends died to having him be not dead, to losing some other good friends because of his bull shit. Not that it matters, since either way he's gone from my life. I think I can safely say that I wish he was just dead since he's dead to me now. I don't know him, the guy I thought I knew doesn't exist.

It makes me think of Eric again, and how he got such a kick out of this story. He asked how many people questioned his existence, which oddly enough no one did. For that guy to believe me and have other people who know me better not...it makes you think. I threatened to get in my car and drive down there, but when he agreed, I changed my mind. After everything he put me through, I can't even look him in the eye. Its one thing to exchange emails with him or talk to him on the phone, but to see him in person? I couldn't do it. But this all reminds me of him and tells me that maybe I just shouldn't trust in men.

The funny thing about all this is that K really likes S now. We were exchanging text messages back and forth last night, both of us drunk and she started texting him too. He ended up sending us a picture that he took at the club of me, and I was shocked that he still had it on his phone. He kept saying that he was going to come down here today, and while he didn't, I wish he had. I would love to just curl up in this bed with him and have him hold me because right now that's all I want. I learned this week who truly loves me and who's a true friend, and they just weren't the people that I thought they would be. I hope tomorrow's a better day.

Thoughts

2007-04-21T06:37:00.000-04:00

I haven't posted on here since December of 2006, which is a hell of a long time. I guess it doesn't matter since no one roams by here anyway. Hell, my profile alone on myspace has more hits than this entire page does, let alone all the comments. I'm getting really tired of playing private investigator on Jack's ass. I should say "fuck it" and let the people who walked away from me keep thinking what they are thinking, but I just can't do that. Jack was such a huge part of my life in Louisville and if it weren't for him, I would have spent every night sitting at home alone watching movies and never seeing any of the city except for when I was getting lost:-) I think about all the times when I could have snapped a bad picture of him when he wasn't looking, and kick myself. Its like I let myself get too comfortable with seeing him, so I didn't think that someday I'd be looking back on those times and wishing that I had things to remember him by. Correction, I had a sweatshirt of his, which I gave to Becky and now wish I'd kept!

The truth is that he really fucked me over on this one, far worse than anything Eric ever did. And he knows it too, which is why he isn't responding to my emails or why the Dayton phone number I had for him has been disconnected. It goes a lot worse too, because the more I push into his life, the less I want to know. I made the mistake of pouring my heart out to Mike on the phone the other night, about all the shit that people were saying, and he ran to Jack with it all. Jack then mentioned all that shit in the email, which was more fodder for people to say he doesn't exist and never did.

I wish he would just call people and get me out of the doghouse. I'm perfectly capable of alienating people all on my own without his help. It is funny though, the people who trust me. I never would have expected to see Marie and Colly standing right beside me while people I know in real life deleted me without a second thought. I always knew that Katy and Blake would be with me, but who would have guessed that Edmund would have gotten such a kick out of the whole thing? :-) Then there's Jonas who is still confused about why people think Jack's a "fake" when he's talked to him on the phone before.

I guess it just goes to show that nothing good ever happens in Dayton and that its time for me to move on again....

The thing that really gets to me is that Eric has been such a help in all this. He does find it hysterical, but he's known me too long to believe that I could be capable of any of this. This is the guy who has seen me at my absolute low and at my absolute worst, and he still believes that I'm a good person who wouldn't do something like that to a friend. Maybe I should take him up on his offer to come down and visit:-)

Lack of Posts

2006-12-13T19:29:00.000-05:00

I did the "wrong" thing and upgraded to the Google/Blogger, which for some reason kept me blocked all last week, as having the incorrect password, so this is the first time I've been able to log in and post.

I decided to stop bouncing around from work out to work out and just stick with something that is effective, so I went with the Walk Away the Pounds sets. I have 4 of those discs total and have been doing them 4-6 times a week and am already seeing [some] results. I do 3 miles at a time, but I mix it up so that one day I might do the actual 3 mile DVD and on others I do the 1 mile and 2 mile workouts back to back. I don't use the weights every time either, because after doing 3 miles with weights one day, my arms can't always handle it the next.

Its hard to say how much I've lost because my weight keeps fluctuating a lot. One day I'll be down 2 pounds, then up 3 the next, then back down a pound the next. I weigh myself every Monday and write it down in my "fitness journal", so I can get some sort of regular record. According to my official record from Monday, I've lost 2 pounds since Thanksgiving which isn't great, but not bad either.

My new plan is to just get myself ready for the new year. I've been getting myself into a regular routine, which will carry over into the new year, and hopefully I'll get my goals figured out by then too!

Post Thanksgiving

2006-11-27T21:33:00.000-05:00

I did pretty well over Thanksgiving. I didn't gain any weight, but I didn't lose any either, so yay for that! On the big day, I ate a lot of veggies off the relish tray but I didn't limit myself on what I wanted to eat. I filled my plate and halfway through had to stop. My mom laughed and said that she wondered when I was going to hit bottom because she hadn't seen me eat that much in a long tim:-) I had a lot of brussel sprouts, which I loooove and don't eat very often, some mashed potatoes, white meat turkey, and a little bit of stuffing. A few hours later I had a piece of cheesecake with strawberry sauce for dessert. I made the cheesecake myself, with low fat cream cheese and sour cream, and no sugar. Even the "sauce" was just crushed strawberries with a little bit of Equal. I could probably live on that stuff alone!

Day Three (Thanksgiving Week)

2006-11-22T23:23:00.000-05:00

Today was the most I've ever walked in a day and I have the shin splints to prove it! I logged a total of 12,376 steps before I took off the pedometer. I went to the doctor this morning, then the post office, dropped off my new prescription, went to the bank, and then back to get my RX. Then I took each one of the three dogs for a seperate walk, only this time I incresed it an extra block in each direction:-) I ended up talking to a friend for about 2 hours on the phone and most of the time while we were talking, I found myself pacing the room constantly, which burned up more energy and steps. All in all, an interesting day. I'm hoping to get in a walk tomorrow before everyone starts getting here, but we'll see if I actually have the time...

Day Two (Thanksgiving Week)

2006-11-21T22:47:00.000-05:00

Today was another good day. I made 4 trips down to the fire station and back, and logged 9000 steps, still not up to the recommended 10,000 steps a day but closer. I have no clue how you can walk 10,000 steps a day and still have a life or better yet, a full time job. It will be interesting to see how many steps I log when I go back to working outside in the city next week! Its just funny to me that walking over 2 miles on my own (closer to 3) and a trip to the grocery store, can still put me below the recommended amount of steps. I did really good food-wise too, no refined sugars and lots of carrot sticks. I have a diabetic check up tomorrow and I'm kind of excited to see what the doctor says. I've lost 15 pounds since I went in last and I know that my blood sugar has been right around the normal levels lately, so that's good too. After my appointment, I'm hoping to head to the walking trail down at the park and do 2 miles on it, but we'll see how I feel after getting blood drawn since it sometimes makes me woozy!

Day One (Thanksgiving Week)

2006-11-21T01:25:00.000-05:00

Despite the very long drive back today, I still managed to clock in a little over 7,000 steps. I pulled in the driveway and instantly got to business. I took each one of our 3 dogs for a walk down to the police station, whch is a little over 1/3 of a mile each way, so I ended up with a little over 2 miles today of walking with the dogs. I could have walked more, but it was so cold that my nose was running and my hands were shaking. Hopefully tomorrow I can get another good bit of exercise in!

Week 1 (-1 pound)

2006-11-20T10:21:00.000-05:00

I bought a pedometer last week that measures how many steps you take, the distance you walked, amount of time walked, and the calories that were burned. The only downside is that it counts everything from the time you turn it on, and then divides the steps by the amount of time to determine calories. So if you lounge on the couch for 3 hours and then go for a 45 minutes jog, it won't take into account that you were working harder for part of the time; it will divide the entire amount of steps taken in that time and divide it by 4 hours to determine calories.

I had a good week with fitness otherwise. I did work out 5 times this week and did 200 crunches on the days I didn't work out.
Monday-Yoga Booty Ballet
Tuesday-Cardio (45 minutes)
Wednesday-200 crunches
Thursday-2 miles
Friday-2 miles
Saturday-200 crunches
Sunday-Cardio Dance DVD

The end result is that I am down 1 pound, which is exciting:-) I don't have a lot of faith for this upcoming week. Thanksgiving is always hard, though I did ask my mom already to make sure we had lots of vegetables (especially brussel sprouts which I've been craving a lot lately) and she told me that the last of the Halloween candy has been given away, so I should be safe there. But, I don't know how much time I'll have to exercise. Tomorrow is a good day; Wednesday it will have to wait until after my doctor's appointment; Thursday is a wash unless I do it before other people get there; Friday I'll be gone; Saturday is a good day, and then on Sunday I'll be on my way back here.

According to the recommended guideline we are supposed to walk 10,000 steps a day and I am nowhere close to that amount. The closest I got was a little over 8,000 yesterday and that was walking around the stores and walking to the mailbox across my apartment complex and packing the car. It should be interesting to see how many steps I log this week when I'm home.

Goals for the week:
-Maintain current weight.
-Work out 4 times.
-Do NOT overindulge!!

What the Hell?

2006-11-16T01:37:00.000-05:00

No one reads this anymore, so I figured I would start using it to keep track of my progress on the crazy journey known as weight loss. That way Blogger won't delete my account and loose the 9 billion blogs I've posted here in the last 2 years. So if you do stumble across this or if you're a long term reader, just know that this is all I'm posting on here for now.
I'm not telling you how much I weigh, and you'd be crazy to think I would. I will try however, to post my progress each week. So here goes.
As of Monday, I'm down a total of 17 pounds from where I was to start with. I gained 5 the last time I was home, too much Halloween candy and not a single day of exercising, something I fear might happen next week when I'm home for Thanksgiving. I just have to handle it one week at a time, so here's my goals for this week.

-Lose 1 pound, one pound means I won't be disappointed next week.
-Work out 3 more times this week; I already worked out twice which will put me up to 5 times this week.
-At least one hour long workout session.

I'll keep you posted on how this week goes.

I Miss.....

2006-10-05T01:58:00.000-04:00

his touch....his lips on my skin....taking my hand and holding it tightly...gentle carresses. I dream about him, I think about him....but I know it won't happen.

One Year Ago

2006-09-10T20:01:00.000-04:00

One year ago I was driving back to Indiana with a strong resolve and a plan in mind. I must have gone over it in my mind a dozen times before I got to South Bend, how I was going to tell him that I needed my time and space from him. But then I got back and saw him and my resolve weakened. This isn't about how I feel the same way, its about how I've changed. Its now been 8 months since I've seen him and I wish I could say the same about talking to him. I have ignored his call sometimes when it comes in, but I have called him myself too. I guess I've changed a little and I'm glad for the way things are now.

If you're reading this (you know who you are), then I just want you to know that I had a lot of fun last week and it was a BIG distraction from Eric type thoughts. Hell now I just think of screwing around with you when my thoughts start drifting to him:-)

Yeah, Whatever

2006-08-25T03:18:00.000-04:00

So we have a certain way that we have to number our forms and my numbering is all fucked up because I did some (like 50) in the middle of the map which are now part of a historic district, so my numbering is now wrong. Not to mention cutting, attaching, putting with the right form somewhere around 120 pictures. Then there are forms that are missing some info. This is all stuff that needs to be fixed before my boss comes down next week, plus my regular work. I just want it to be done and over with, right now. I just want to be home, now. Next week is going to be so hectic, trying to get things done and then when I do get home, it seems like I'm completely booked. Get home Wednesday, go to Columbus on Thursday afternoon, to Michigan on Friday for the wedding, reunion on Saturday. Come home Saturday night, then I have Sunday to relax. Monday I'm going out with a friend and then I'm coming back here either Monday night or Tuesday morning and then it'll be another month before I get back home. I wish I could just stay home for a week and relax, but that won't happen. It sucks!

Apocalyptic Dreams?

2006-08-22T02:20:00.000-04:00

For some reason I've been having these weird end of the world kind of dreams lately. There was one where Katy and I were standing on top of this big ass tower that actually turned out to be some kind of library. We kept hearing people talking about these planes and when we looked up, there were this red and white airplanes flying through the air and it was the British. For some reason the British were bombing us. Then the skies just opened up and bombs started falling from everywhere. We decided to run for cover and then the building turned into something that looked like a frank Lloyd Wright designed house with all these ledges and crap, so we jumped from one ledge to the other. Then we ran into Bruce Campbell and he said he had a Jeep parked downstairs and the safest thing to do was get out of the city. So then we ran downstairs and got in his car where we decided to go to his ranch in Montana. We started listening to the radio, which was telling everyone to evacuate the city and the last thing I remember before waking up was that Katy was on her cell trying to find Ryan while I was on mine trying to get my parents. the really creepy thing is that as we were driving away, I kept seeing all these inured people trying to get in the car, but BP wouldn't let them.
Then I had one this week where I was in this really old house that was supposedly haunted. All of the sudden germ warfare broke out and people started dying. The only reason I survived was because the house had lead paint(?), and I could see all these people on the streets who were dead or dying. Then I started wondering if I was the only person who was going to survive at all.
Those are the two that I remember the strongest; I had others that were more like vague memories when I woke up. I have no clue why I keep dreaming about the end of the world, but its starting to creep me out. Just hope I'm not psychic:-)

I Wonder...

2006-08-21T02:08:00.000-04:00

I wonder if anyone still looks at this other than me. Blogger is just so damn easy, no worries about if the boss is going to find it and fire you, no worries about an ex-boyfriend or someone from high school tracking you down. It makes me feel anonymous even when its not. Maybe I'll keep posting here every now and then, just to see what happens...

I'm Replacable

2006-08-05T00:06:00.000-04:00

I'm sitting here right now crying and I figure I might as well post it here because other than Laura, I'm not sure anyone else even reads this anymore. I am completely and utterly replacable, I'm disposable. If anything, Eric proved that. He tossed me aside like yesterday's trash and frankly that's what everyone does in the long run. Look at Kathy and what she did to me. An old high school friend who I've reconnected with and been talking to a lot, just started talking to Katy again and kind of left me out in the cold. I fucked up everything with Gavin and lost his friendship, and even Eric has disappeared again. Everyone ditches me in the long run. I don't know why I even try anymore, I really don't. I want to go back to Indiana, but I don't know why because I have nothing there; no friends, no plans. My great first date with Dan apparently didn't mean so much because he never called again. Do you want to know what a typical day is like for me? I get up, drive the 4o minutes to Salem, work, come home, spend a couple of hours online, and go to bed feeling unhappy. And now its happening again, I can feel myself pushing away the people that are close to me and I can't make myself stop. It feels like I should be alone and lonely, that's the way it should be, like I don't even deserve to have anyone in my life. I just hurt so bad right now. He said that once she came back he felt like he had been replaced, but that's not true because I'm being replaced. I feel like this is what it was all leading up to, that my only role was for them to somehow start talking again and now I have nothing. God, that's a familiar feeling. I'm just really tire of trying.

Can't Sleep

2006-08-01T01:51:00.000-04:00

I want to be out of here as soon as possible tomorrow morning after paying my rent, so I went to bed as early as possible. I wasn't asleep very long, or at least it didn't feel very long, when I had a pretty bad dream. It was a fire dream, which is strange because I haven't had one in awhile, but this one was pretty bad. It was like I could feel, see, smell, taste...everything and it really freaked me out. I tried to go back to sleep, but everytime I turned off the light, I started getting sick again. I could feel it all again and no matter how hard I tried to just go to sleep and just forget it, I couldn't because it was too real. My hands are even shaking a little. I haven't had a dream like that since I moved down here; I had one at my old place in Salem but not the new apartment. My stomach even still feels queasy.

Going Home Tomorrow Night

2006-07-31T21:09:00.000-04:00

I have a dentist appointment Wednesday morning because apparently no doctor in the Louisville/Clarksville area takes my insurance anymore. Anyway though, I can't really say I'm looking forward to going home. I wasn't planning on going back for another couple of weeks, maybe a month. Don't get me wrong, I like going home but it can be boring as hell too. I've lost contact with most of my good friends left there, hell I only have one friend left in Dayton and I'm not allowed to see him:-) I don't know, maybe I'll just come back on Thursday or Friday, or maybe I'll stay for the weekend and enjoy myself since I have no clue when I'll be able to go back. I know I have to be back by September 4 because my cousin is getting married in Michigan and our family reunion is the next day, and I haven't been to one in awhile so I'd like to see my family. It's a little strange though, to go back and not be excited. I want to go to Best Buy and pick up War of the Worlds (yes I'm anti Tom Cruise, but I liked that movie), but I'll probably just stop tomorrow on my way back. I pass one in Indy and on my way home. Anyway if there's 400+ posts on here from me in the next week, you'll know I'm bored out of my mind. Oh, and I had this odd little dream last night that I was married to Fred Durst and we were fighting over how many women he had slept with. Promise me if I get that desperate that you'll just shoot me and put me out of my misery:-)

2006-07-30T18:29:00.000-04:00

I kind of like this pic, but I dont know why:-)

2006-07-30T18:28:00.000-04:00

Yeah, um there's like twice this many shoes back home too. And there's 3, count them 3, pairs of knee high black leather boots in there...

2006-07-30T18:27:00.000-04:00

One of my 2 closets and the other one pretty much has this many clothes too!

2006-07-30T18:26:00.001-04:00

A smattering of my many, many, many lunchboxes. And a Jumbo Pez dispenser.

2006-07-30T18:26:00.000-04:00

Misc. pic of the bedroom with Eric's dresser and the chair my SB landlord gave me. I fully plan on re-covering it but I haven't had time yet.

2006-07-30T18:25:00.000-04:00

I'm very proud of myself because I re-upholstered those chairs all on my own with the hot pink fabric:-)

2006-07-30T18:24:00.000-04:00

Random pic of the kitchen

2006-07-30T18:23:00.001-04:00

Going down the hallway to the bedroom and bathroom.

2006-07-30T18:23:00.000-04:00

The new table I spent hours putting together, with random work crap jammed on there until I find a permanent place for it. Plus Superman and Hello Kitty easter baskets that are too cool/cute to use only once a year.

2006-07-30T18:21:00.000-04:00

Living room going towards the kitchen and the hallway leading into the apartment. Not the very crooked corkboard. Oh, and Eric's rocking chair.

2006-07-30T18:20:00.000-04:00

My new sofa/bed thingy and my ugly orange chair I love, new coffee table, plus one of my many, many, many plants!

2006-07-30T18:17:00.000-04:00

Living room: Harvick in the corner, Mallrats poster, my jam packed stolen bookshelf. Ooh and my retro end table I use for a TV stand and I was watching American Dad:-) As an added bonus, see how much of my crap you can guess!

What the Hell?????

2006-07-30T15:15:00.000-04:00

I was sitting here watching American Dad and I started hearing these two people yelling at each other in the parking lot, so I paused the DVD to listen:) There was a lot of cursing, but I couldn't tell what was going on and then it all stopped. 10 minutes later I hear the same stuff out in the hallway, so I peek out my peephole and see nothing, but then the shouting gets even louder and I figure out that it's a man and a woman fighting. Apparently she thinks he's cheating on her and while he has 3 of his kids here this weekend, she thinks he's screwing around. They keep screaming at each other, with her saying that he's "her man", then switching to "I thought we were friends" to which he said, "I'd never have a friend like you." He tells her that he's going inside to spend time with his kids and she isn't coming in. She says that it's a free country (!) and she'll just stand in the hallway. He then tells her that she isn't coming through his door and she tells him she'll come through the window if she has too. And with my luck she'll fuck up and try to come through MY window! He tells her he'll call the cops if she does; she says then she doesn't have to worry about "this shit" and he starts screaming that neither will he and he should call the cops right now (yes please!). He goes inside his apartment (next door by the way) and she stands in the hallway. He then comes out and the shouting starts all over again. Its fairly interesting because he went in, locked the door and she's still standing in the hallway. I'm waiting to see what happens next. If you don't hear from me for awhile, I probably died in the middle of a couple fight:-) Now I'm going to figure out wht he does with 3 kids in a one bedroom apartment. Hell there's barely enough room in mine for my crap:-)

First Date

2006-07-30T10:02:00.000-04:00

So I should be asleep right now because I didn't get in until like 6 am, but I'm way too keyed up to sleep. I had quite possibly the best first date last night. He called me at 4 to make sure we were still on, and asked how I felt about skipping the movie route and going to a race at the local track here. As any old fashioned race loving girl, I completely went for it. Dan then drove all the way to my apartment to pick me up even though he lives in Salem where the track is! I mean seriously, how cool is a first date where you can actually wear jeans and a Lynyrd Skynyrd tee-shirt? He was completely fascinated by my DVD collection. Mainly that anyone could own so many and I didn't have the heart to tell him that I had the same amount back in Ohio! We hung out att the track and he did the back touch thing, which I absolutely love. He ended up taking me around town, showing me some of the sites I might have missed, and he told me all about the work he was doing to rehab his house (he's buying one in a historic district). Then we just sat in an empty parking lot, talking which was equally cool. He seems like the right combination between talker and listener. There was NO sex (I was a good girl!), just a comfortable night with a cute guy. I do have this bad habit of not being able to tell if I like someone as a friend or something more, and I'm having that problem now too. Usually if I have those heart pounding fireworks butterfly type feelings from the beginning, then it will blow up in my face. Anyway, I do like him and it was a really, really, really good first date!

2006-07-29T20:18:00.000-04:00

A very, very bad picture of me getting ready for the big date. there's a LOT of work to be done:-)

Just for the "Old Man"

2006-07-29T07:34:00.000-04:00

You know that when your teeth start coming out, that's a sign you're getting old:-) Next thing you know it will be dentures, the cane, the old people diapers, maybe even a medical alert bracelet! Hope you're doing okay and enjoy all the Jello-O, just not too much or you really will be an old man...

I Met Someone

2006-07-28T18:40:00.000-04:00

I was working outside in Salem today, trying to do a little work on this historic district before it started raining again. Anyway I was 2 blocks from my car when it started pouring again, so I had to run to the car (not fun) and I was all irritated or whatever and stopped at the gas station to get some cigarettes. I ended up standing under the overhang trying to decide if I wanted to make a run back to my car or not. This pretty cute guy says, "so how much longer do you think it will take you to finish Salem?" and it turns out that he read one of the articles in the paper and also saw me outside with my camera today because he owns one of the houses I was surveying (!). We started talking, one thing led to another, and I HAVE A DATE FOR TOMORROW NIGHT!!!!!!! I completely didn't expect that, but I'm not complaining either:-) Its enough to make me forget that my teeth hurt.

Job Hunting

2006-07-28T00:16:00.000-04:00

Obviously I have awhile before I need to start looking for a job. Bacially I know I'll be here until March because that's when they estimated the one county would be done, then add however long it will take me to do the other county. Still though, its kind of interesting to check out the job boards and see what's avilable. The sad thing is that they're are almost never any jobs listed in Ohio. Sometimes I'll come across one in Indiana or Pennsylvania or even Kentucky but Ohio is like a place all of its own. I know there's historic preservation groups in Cincinnati, but whenever I check it says they're not hiring now, but to "check back soon!" and its stayed that way for something like 2 years now. The biggest places or the most jobs seem to be in the southeast which is where I originally planned on ending up, but the longer I've been away from home, the more I miss it. Who knows, maybe I'll end up finding a good job in Columbus or something, or maybe I'll end up crashing at Katy and Ryan's soon to be new place in South Carolina:-) while looking for a job down there. I still have MONTHS before I have to worry about that.

2006-07-28T00:05:00.000-04:00

My wall of fame, see if you can guess what the pictures are!

2006-07-27T23:51:00.001-04:00

You can't really see it, but my hair is now a very dark purple color, not what the box showed!

Feeling Shitty

2006-07-27T03:59:00.000-04:00

Its 4 am now and I've tried unsuccessfully to fall asleep twice now, but I just can't sleep. There's a million thoughts racing through my head, none of which are good. I ended up sitting here, re-reading this blog and it just made me sick to my stomach. How could I have let Eric put me through all the stuff he did? I kept reading the same lines over and over and over again, "this time I'm done", "no more", "I give up on him", or something to that affect, but I let him into my life, let him infect me. Last night was just like this, I was just about to fall asleep when the "harem" comment popped into my head and I thought I was literally going to throw up. Then all that shit came back to me: all the sleepless nights, all the money lost, all the other women, all those little comments that he made that sent my self-esteem in the toilet....Do you have any idea how much money I eventually gave him? Just over $3500. I'm ashamed to admit that, but between the car, the camera, the stolen ATM card, the money he stole while I was sleeping, etc. it adds up. My own father has no clue how much money I lost. A lot of it went onto credit card bills which I'll be paying back for the next 10 years. Plus I have a slight shopping addiction so every time he conned me out of more money, I went out and bought something for myself. Why do I let men have such control over me? With the exception of Gavin, I've never had a relationship where I felt like I had any power or control. All of this thinking about him, remembering all the crap...it makes me feel even worse and yet I can't stop myself from doing it. I feel very alone or lonely right now.

2006-07-27T02:21:00.000-04:00

My favorite person in the world right now.

Very Sad

2006-07-27T02:19:00.000-04:00

I was just on this website (http://alexplorer.net/urban/explorations.html) about urban exploration, and the guy and his girlfriend drove through areas of Lousiana affected by Hurricane Katrina. I think its something that needs to be done, to show us how badly the area got hit. Seeing the furniture, the buildings...it was all very sad. There was also a picture of a dog skeleton because when the owners left (if they did leave), the dog was left tied up in the backyard and drowned under the water. That was very hard for me to see. I suggest you all check it out though, even if you skip the dog picture, because it makes you appreicate what you do have.

2006-07-26T20:58:00.000-04:00

OK, I love this pic. Look at how long my legs look, and good too! Plus I'm in looove with those shoes!

Ooh Creepy

2006-07-26T17:08:00.000-04:00

Here's What My Dream Interpretation Says
To see your own reflection in the mirror, suggests that you are pondering thoughts about your inner self. The reflection in the mirror is how you perceive yourself or how you want others to see you. You may be contemplating on strengthening and changing aspects of your character.
To see breasts in your dream, symbolizes primal nourishment and your need to be nursed and care for. It represent motherhood, nurturance, and infantile dependency. Alternatively, breasts represents sexual arousal and raw energy.
Seeing naked breasts can also denote a feeling of exposure and invasion of privacy. In particular, for a woman, the dream may indicate anxieties about becoming a woman/mother. So apparently I want people to see me in an ill fitting bra, and I'm very horny. I think it means I need sex, but I don't need my subconscious to tell me that:-)

I Need Katy's Dream Book

2006-07-26T17:01:00.000-04:00

I had the oddest dream last night. I was standing in front of mirror, trying to make my ta-ta's fit into a new bra, ony the bra kept drooping to one side, or the straps got tangled, or something else would happen to make it not fit. It felt like it went on for 20 minutes and then I have no idea what happened. What the hell does that mean? I'll have to look it up.

Take me Here Katy!!

2006-07-26T01:21:00.000-04:00

http://www.abandonedonline.com/index.php?catid=70&photos=0
You can click on pictures to see, well pictures of the place. I am a HUGE fan of urban exploration, but I haven't had a chance to do any exploring on my own. So I think that I should come down there when you have your vacation, before you leave for good :(, and force the 2 of you to help me find abandoned buildings so I can take pictures:) That and I'll run by Dayton and shove Justin in the trunk first. Seriously though, I really want to come down and see you guys SOON, and since I know when you're days off are, if I don't hear from you, don't be surprised if I just show up. Also I'll try to take a pic of the monkey this week so you can see the poor little guy.

I Need To Quit Smoking

2006-07-25T23:42:00.000-04:00

I guess there's really not a lot to say here, except that I need to stop smoking. OK, maybe not stop so much as cut back drastically. Its nothing for me to smoke over a pack a day now that I'm in the car so much, and I waste even more than that by lighting one, and dropping it when I find a building to survey. I'm not exactly sure how to go about doing it though. I thought of going back to my old system of putting a dollar in a jar every time I bought a pack, but that just made me get all excited about the money that I could spend on god knows what. I've also tried hiding them, making them inaccessible. In South Bend I threw them in a shelf that I couldn't reach without a step ladder, and then I could only smoke a pack the whole day, which worked until Eric happened:(. In the last year, the longest I've gone without a cigarette is when Eric and I had a bet on who could abstain the longest, and I lasted a little under 13 hours, not counting when I was asleep. They say the first day is the hardest, then by day 3 it gets a little easier, but I don't know. I think I'm going to have to do it gradually, like try to get myself down to a pack a day, then 19, then 18, then 17, etc. Just not cold turkey. Even the thought makes me want to smoke like crazy!

Strange Day

2006-07-25T16:22:00.000-04:00

Well strange night too. I had an ongoing saga of trying to put together a new table I just bought, which was a trip. Somehow though I ended up with a big gash on my leg, two bruises on each leg from holding the damn thing in place, and then I slammed my knee down hard on an extra piece of metal and got another gash. Then apparently fate decided to make it up to me by returning some lost stuff. First was the webcam, then the digital camera cord, then a book, and then the CSI set I bought like 2 months ago. I end up being so focused on getting the damn table put together that when I looked at the clock, it was 4 am and I wasn't even tired. So I pulled an all nighter, which I'm fairly certain I'm too old to do. I left here at 7 am, and ended up surveying three times what I normally do, plus some cemteries, and to top it all off, I finished the city survey except for the districts, which I didn't think would be done for 2-3 weeks. Then I made a whole little slide show of some of my SE Indiana pics (click here). Now I think I'm starting to crash, so its definitely nap time.

2006-07-25T15:16:00.001-04:00

Bob, the little bastard who got a bigger story than me:)

2006-07-25T15:16:00.000-04:00

This random little house where the owner collects gas station stuff

2006-07-25T15:14:00.000-04:00

My little mouse infested house

2006-07-25T15:12:00.001-04:00

See the shoes in the tree? Hence a shoe tree

2006-07-25T15:12:00.000-04:00

The shoe tree in Milltown.

2006-07-25T15:11:00.000-04:00

So Sandi and I were out surveying together and we found this creepy little fishing cabin. I HAVE to put it in a story.

2006-07-25T15:10:00.001-04:00

Pic #2

2006-07-25T15:10:00.000-04:00

Pic #3 of the creepy cabin

2006-07-25T15:09:00.000-04:00

The chainsaw "garden"

2006-07-25T15:08:00.000-04:00

The chainsaw "garden"

Sniper

2006-07-25T00:49:00.000-04:00

So there's a sniper in southern Indiana, and I learned this from my mom who called me today to warn me to stay away from I-60. It's a little humerous because it happened in Seymour, which is like telling someone in Dayton to stay off the highway because there's was a sniper on 75 in Cincinnati. Its slightly disturbing though because Seymour is about 30 minutes north of Salem, and if I still lived in Salem, I would have gone right through there. One man from New Albany (10 minutes from me) was killed and someone else was injured. Today they contacted officials in Columbus because of what happened in Ohio, and the FBI were called in too. It's a little strange, but we'll see what happens.

Fucking Teenagers

2006-07-23T23:18:00.000-04:00

I was getting ready to leave today, and when I dig through my purse to find my cell phone and face flate for the CD player, the face plate is there, but not the cell phone. Despite the fact that I adamently proclaim the last time I saw the phone was at the theater, we still go through every single car in the house, plus my room. Finally my dad decides to look up the info online, and lo and behold, there were 2 calls placed to Trotwood at 12:47, and 12:49. My dad asks if I made the calls, which was impossible as I was enjoying Clerks II at the time. He asks why someone would only call and talk for a minute and I relunctantly admit that I let the battery go so low that when you turn it on, it beeps constantly. Finally my mom arms me with her phone and I start to leave. Five minutes later (wasn't even in Huber yet), and she calls me. She tried one of the numbers listed and got an answer. Some guy told her that he found it and took it to the office at Showcase. We meet down there, and after 2, 2 managers spend 20 fucking minutes looking, it becomes apparently clear that it is not there. I go on my way to Indiana, pissed off and my mom calls me when I get to the apartment. She called the kid back again and after a few minutes admitted that he never saw the phone, but his "friend" Ashley had it. He also claimed to not know her name and said that she was [conviently] out of town for the next 2 weeks. My mom (god love her) tells him that he should expect a call from the police tomorrow, to which he says "I ain't paying for something that I didn't do", to which my mom tells him that since he knew it was a stolen phone, he was an accessory and just as responsible for the incident. She told me that she's going to the phone place tomorrow and the police department too, just to see if they can do anything because we have numbers for 2 people who know it was stolen. It pisses me off for a multitude of reasons; it had numbers for people I don't know how to get in touch with otherwise, I can't access my voicemail which had messages from my boss, landlord, etc; it was perfectly sset up to how I wanted it; AND it survived a fucking fire!!!! I hate those little punks and I think I'm going to post their numbers on here and myspace and let people run wild, maybe we can annoy them enough that someone will make sure I get it back. For god's sake, did they seriously think we wouldn't notice that it was missing (eventually anyway), or find out that people were using it???? That's why I HATE teenagers.

Oh My God

2006-07-23T15:35:00.000-04:00

I somehow managed to stumble across this website today while doing research for an art project. Trust me when I say you need to go there, and better yet, you need to watch the "movie" and check out the "vacation pictures". Go here.

2006-07-23T13:54:00.000-04:00

I saw these when looking at checks (need to order new ones), and they have her, Superman, Batman, Green Latern, and THE FLASH. God, Elvis or superheroes....

2006-07-22T23:46:00.000-04:00

This is the house I was given a tour of last week, and the one I'm using for my term long project.

Clerks 2

2006-07-22T00:58:00.000-04:00

Did I really waste 2 hours of my life and some hard earned cash today just to see this movie? Hell yes I did, and it's the first movie in a long time that I would pay to see yet again. Let's face it, I'm a hardcore Kevin Smith fan, starting with Mallrats which a lot of people say sucked, but I loved it. I saw both Dogma and Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back the day they opened and probably would have seen Chasing Amy too except back then it only played at 1 theater in Dayton. I'm a big fan of the original and have the special anniversary edition plus the cartoon series. Hell I even have An Evening With Kevin Smith, which you need to see now, NOW because it is so fucking funny. Anyway I was there 20 minutes before the movie started, at the very first showing today, and here's a list of my favorite parts.
1. Pillow Pants, see it and you'll understand.
2. "I got nothing"
3. The fade to black and white
4. Randall's interpretation of the LOTR trilogy. Actually Randall was pretty much my favorite part. Am I a freak for thinking he's hot? Plus he was wearing Chuck Taylor's. Sigh, I'm in luv with a fictional character
These two guys walked in just as the movie started, actually about 5 minutes into it, and proceeded to talk throughout the movie, about their "vast knowledge" of the View Askewuniverse, and I wanted to kick their ass. There were parts that I missed the punchline because they were talking, and they constantly laughed as the "potty" humor and nothing else. There's a part where Elias is talking about Transformers and says, "they're more than meets the eye," and they didn't even fucking get it. Dumb asses. They cheered like jackasses when Ethan Suplee, Ben Affleck, and Jason Lee popped up which to be honest I did inwardly. Then Scott Mosier popped up and I snapped, "look it's Mosier" to which I get a, "that's not fucking him" and then some mumbling. Cut to the end where I again yell right at then "Flanigan" (you have to be a fan to get that reference), and I get the same basic reaction. The best part about Smith films is that you can tell who are the "real" fans and who's there just for the flick based on who stays for the crazy credits and who leaves when the screen goes black. So of course my dumb ass "experts" stick around and as Scott Mosier's name pops up in the cast list, I shout "see it was Mosier" and again when Flanigan's name comes up, and the tow just give me dirty looks and start mumbling. God I love to be right!!!

My Life Sucks

2006-07-20T01:25:00.000-04:00

1. The last time I had sex was now over 7 months ago, with a guy who was cheating on his girlfriend at the time, and it wasn't very good. I would have been better to stay at home by myself. I'm the same person who went like 7 years without having sex, but now I miss it. A lot.
2. My new apartment has roaches. Nuff said.
3. My best friend is AWOL.
4. There is no one in my life that I am close to, really close to as in friends. I barely talk to Katy, TJ hasn't answered his phone in a couple of weeks, and Edumnd is too busy with wedding plans.
5. I'm starting to hate my job, which I never saw coming.
6. Going back to #1, there's not even a hint of sex in my future. I won't see the cute guy from the meeting for at least another month, and even if I do, with my luck he'll probably already be married or a drug addict or an alcoholic, or a durg addicted married alcoholic.
7. I kind of hate myself.

Just Call me the "Cow Whisperer"

2006-07-18T23:10:00.000-04:00

I went out hunting for this cemetery today, and when I say hunting, I really mean hunting. I love cemeteries, especially ones that are old and a deserted, but the township I'm working in has 56 and there are some not listed. They gave us directions, but they're like go north 5.6 miles, turn right 3.4 miles, etc. etc. etc. So today I go 3.4 miles one way, 2.5 miles another, to a dirt road. Anyway I pass this whole field of cows, which is astounding becuase it was like a cattle range or something. On my way back i stop to take a picture and notice this little baby cow sitting by the side of the road. I pull out my camera and say, "hi baby" and the baby lifts its head and I get an adorable picture of it. Then I say "hi sweetie" and it actually gets up and starts walking towards my car until another big cow nudges it back towards the herd. So freaking cute!! Of course it was dampered by the fact that right down the road there are cows all marked on the ear because they are eating cows, not dairy ones. My mom went through the pics on my camera last night, which consist of cows, a rooster, and a monkey that someone keeps as a pet. She stared at them for a second, then looked at me and said, "we need to get you back to Dayton."

Unbelievable

2006-07-18T04:02:00.000-04:00

So I send Eric an email about how I'm really busy with my life now, that for once I was finally starting to put me first. Then at the end I added this little thing that said I had to go because I was on my way back to Dayton to spend the weekend with Justin (yup, I'm a little liar). So he emails me back, like three hours later, saying that he wants to hear the details about my life, to fill him on everything, and then he says at the very end, "you and justin huh. can't say i didn't see it coming but you sure work fast." WTF??? I move fast? Isn't he the one living with someone right now? And I'm astounded that he even remembered who Justin was. Very odd. I can't sleep, too freaked out about the roaches in my new apartment. Hopefully they'll eat the massive amounts of poison I plan to buy tomorrow and die while I'm at home. I'm really excited to go home though, because it will give me some peace and quiet, time with the doggies, and re-charge my batteries after the move. After this weekend, it will be at least a month before I'll be able to go home again. Oh and Katy if you read this, you might start laughing. My dad climbed onto my new futon last night to go to sleep, and he tipped the whole sucker over, then got stuck in between the wall and the futon. It doesn't sound that funny except that it was, especially since he tried twice to get up, and fell back in, and had already gotten stuck under my box spring, trying to fix the real bed. God I love my dad.

Weird Dream

2006-07-16T22:21:00.000-04:00

So here's a slightly odd one. I was driving down the street with Justin of all people, and we were having a conversation about something random, when all of the sudden, out of nowhere we started arguing about where we were going and it turned out that neither one of us knew how to get to wherever we were going. Then Justin turned into Eric and I started screaming my head off and ran into a pole. Very odd.

Am I Forgettable?

2006-07-13T22:15:00.000-04:00

I posted this on my other blog, but since different people read the different ones, I figured I should post it here too.
I know that seems like an odd question, but its been in the back of my mind a lot lately. I have friends, old boyfriends, guys I had crushes on, people I had short relationships with, and it seems like they just forget about me, move on with their lives and toss me aside like yesterday's garbage. Its not just guys obviously, but female friends too. Its one thing if its someone you lose touch with, but I'm talking about the people who voluntarily walk away from any sort of relationship with you. Last year, I ran into a guy I used to date and he couldn't even remember my name. How bad is that? Is it just that too much time has passed that people forget who they were once close to? Or is it just be? Am I forgettable? Well, I guess if no one replies, then I have my answer.

Pissed Off

2006-07-13T18:27:00.000-04:00

I do not fucking believe this! Eric has a fucking girlfriend. Oh, I'm sorry. How long have you been clean again? Right, like 2 weeks, Ok I totally understand. I know this because he sent me an email (get this), asking for my help on getting financial aid. He then goes on to tell me about how he has a job, a new apartment, a new girlfriend, and he's clean and happy down there, and then he signs it fucking love. Who the hell does that? Oh wait, a crack head. Poor girl. I wonder if she's just stupid or pathetic or lonely or some combo of all three. Of course I didn't respond to him, I wanted to drive down there and kick his fucked up ass all the way back to Florida. No wait, that's not far enough. Maybe California. Its fun, we can form a little road trip party and take turns kicking his ass. I don't belive for a second that he'll stay clean, nor do I believe that he can hold a job for more than a couple of weeks, nor do I think he's anything more than a crackhead asshole, but come on, this is like a kick in the head. It was one thing for him to have drugged up sex, but another to actually be living with someone. And its not someone he used to date either, though I think it might have been someone who helped him get into rehab down there, which he obviously is not doing. Its not fair that he gets a 400th chance (screw 2nd, he passed that one a long time ago), while I have to be deliriously unhappy and have a few random crushes that won't go anywhere. Or that the one person I really want, I can't have. I'm pissed off and frustrated and I think I'll just go back to Salem and cry for awhile. What gives him the right to have a girlfriend anyway? And who the hell dates someone who has only been clean a couple of weeks? At least he fooled me into thinking that he had been clean since before prison. God, was I really that stupid? Ok, time to cry now. Its not that I want him back, but i don't want him to be happy either. Hey Justin, can I use you for a quick email? Tell him that you and I got together. He always hated you, thought we were too close.

I'm Baaack...

2006-07-12T17:30:00.000-04:00

Kind of anyway. I'm sitting in my brand new apartment, on the floor because I didn't have enough room to bring down a chair and I'm probably not strong enough anyway. The phone was already turned on when I got here, and the cable guy showed up about 10 minutes later to install that. So I now have like 200 channels of digital cable and high speed internet. Of course I haven't actually installed the internet onto my computer because someone near by has wireless so I'm stealing there's. I'd say borrowing it, but I'm not giving it back:-) I have to go back tonight and re-load the car, and hopefully make another trip down here tomorrow afternoon/night. I met with this woman tonight who owns this house in Salem that I love and she gave me a whole tour of the inside (including the tower, how cool is that?) and the original outhouse outside. It was very cool. Anyway, you should be able to catch me online for an hour or so tonight or the rest of the week. Then I'll be here to watch the races this weekend, and then I'm moving my furniture in on Monday night. Yay for that!!!!

Sick of This

2006-07-05T14:37:00.000-04:00

I've had people on the street ask about the woman in "charge" of our survey, wanting to know how much experience she has and they are astonished that she doesn't have any. And this is the person I have to take orders from. I get this email from her today, about how they are doubting my "methodological choices" and how she needs to review some of my forms when she comes down next week. Yes well, I brought those forms to her last week and she didn't even look at them. It's just such a pain too because she's now doubting all of my choices, and it pisses me off. Who has more experience? oh wait, the better question should be, who has any experience at all? It also makes me doubt my choice in staying with Landmarks for another year too. I'm actually crying right now because it sucks so much. I mean I could have gone to another state and done survey work, but I stuck with Landmarks for god only knows why. She said my information is solid but its all organizational stuff, about how I need to be more organized and do more stuff to ensure that everything is correctly done. The point is that we can't be organized. We're working out of cars for 90% of the time, film goes one place, forms to another, and we're kind of stuck in the middle fo all of it. I'm starting to hate my job.

Be Proud of Me

2006-07-04T23:36:00.000-04:00

I got an email from Eric last week, right before my birthday and I didn't respond to it. I know that a week isn't very long, but it is for me. I just decided that for my mental stability, I should not email him. Then today I get an email from him saying he's in North Carolina and will get me more information soon. That was a little odd and I have to admit that I'm jealous because he's down there and I'm stuck in Indiana. Anyway I want you guys to be proud of me because I didn't respond to him and I won't either. Strangely enough, I woke up today knowing that I was going to be passed him and all that bull shit and get on with my life. There's enough distractions coming up to keep me busy once i go back.
(1) Pay the rest of my deposit at the apartment and first month's rent.
(2) Pay deposits on electric and gas.
(3) Go to Insight for ]cable.
(4) Call ATT about internet and phone.
(5) Kick off meeting to intorduce us to the public in Washington County on Monday.
(6) Kick off meeting for Crawford County on Tuesday.
(7) Meeting with bosses (plural) Monday afternoon.
(8) Train new boss on how to survey.
(9) School work, preliminary paper info due this weekend.
(10) Work on getting as much of Salem done as possible before I levae since its so far north. Work lots of 10 hour days and try to "stockpile" more work.
(11) Repack and move.
That's going to be the hardest. I'm taking the Explorer back tomorrow so I can move as much as possible every trip down to my new place. Then my parents are coming over on the 16-17 to help move all the furniture and anything else left. A week from tomorrow I can start moving my stuff and I want to get as much done as possible that weekend. It should be interesting and I'll try to post some pics once I get everything organized and put away.

Slightly Depressed

2006-07-04T03:03:00.000-04:00

I know that's a bad thing to say given my past history. It makes people want to hide all the knives and check to see what kind of pills I have in my purse, so maybe its better to say "I'm feeling low tonight". The sad part is that I don't know why. I guess I'm doubting my job as a friend because someone I care about had a crisis and I didn't know about it until after the fact. Or because my brother didn't bother to show up for my brithday dinner and has so far not acknowledged my b-day. Or maybe its just because I really dread the idea of going back to Salem. Hell if I didn't have a big meeting on Monday, I'd probably stay until then. We (the surveyors) made some plans for next week too, which could be fun. Its just so fucking depressing living there. I spend most of the time sitting on the couch watching movies and trying to write or doing a little work. That's why I can afford to be home for so long, because I have enough work stock piled up to last me until next week. My cell phone doesn't work, so I can't talk to people; no cable to flip through the channels, and no internet to check my email, talk to friends online, or do schoolwork. Plus I feel icky because of all the mosquito bites, and I'm still wearing my contacts because my glasses are broken. There's also the fact that tomorrow marks the 1 year anniversary of both the first time I spent any time with Eric and the first time he ever stood me up, oh and the first time he saw me drunk off my ass and in serious flirt mode. I need distractions to keep my mind off him tomorrow which I know sounds pathetic, but its true. I have to go to my uncle's tomorrow afternoon, but then I have absolutely NO plans, so I'll end up spending the night re-doing my blog yet again and trying not to think of going back.

Randomness

2006-07-03T22:14:00.000-04:00

My whole plan for the day was to get in to see an eye doctor. See I have vision insurance through work, but I don't have to pay for it, my employers do. I've been checking on the place's website and for the last few months (since before I even left South Bend), they kept telling me that I had no coverage. Now I have coverage and its damn good coverage too (contact and glasses exams once a year, lenses free, $120 towards frames, another $120 towards contacts, and anything over that amount I get 20% off, for a $25 copay). So I call 2 of the places in the area that are on my plan and both places say the doctors are out until Thursday for "the holiday weekend". I get that, I really do, but why are they even open if there's no doctor there? Doesn't make sense. So I ended up sitting outside and reading a graphic novel while I had a cigarette. I'm really allergic to mosquitos, as in my bites swell up to the size of quarters or bigger. In the 10 minutes it took to have a cigarette, I got 7 mosquito bites, and when I got in the shower I spotted 2 more in the mirror, so all together, 9 bites. They itch really bad too and now I'm whining, so I'll stop:-)

Running Scared (Review)

2006-07-03T01:33:00.000-04:00

OK, so the main reason I wanted to see this movie was Paul Walker. Fine, I think he's about the sexiest man alive. I mentioned it during an ad for it, and my mom bought it for me today at the flea market. I started watching it, with her in the next room cooking dinner and I had to turn it off. You all know I cuss like a sailor, but my god! It was like every other word was the f-bomb. Then Paul Walker starts to go down on his wife. My dad then decides he wants to watch it and halfway through, goes to bed. I have to admit that there were some truly disgusting parts like when he's on the ice and they start beaming hockey pucks at his head. It was grosser than some things I've seen in horror movies. I eventually finished the whole thing and now I am so confused that I think my brain might burst. It might be one of those movies that you have to watch twice just to understand, but then again it might be one of those that once is enough. Definitely not a movie I would like to own, too confusing. But hello! Buffness that is Paul.

Mmm Mallo Cups....

2006-07-02T16:26:00.000-04:00

Mallo Cups are one of my childhood candies. My mom did a lot of Boosters club stuff for my older brothers including running the concession stand. Because they were trying to raise money, the candy they had was pretty cheap or generic, and that's the stuff I LOVED. Those little gumballs that are shaped like basketballs or baseballs, the faux suckers made of pressed sugar, and Mallo Cups. Mallo Cups, for the uninformed, were made in Pennsylvania and were for all intensive purposes a regional product. Shaped like Reese's Cups (even had the same wrapper), with two in each pack and in a bright yellow package, they had a center of "whipped creme" that tasted like marshmallow, with a little bit of cocunut on top, and then covered in milk chocolate. I've been thinking about them for awhile, ever since I had the new Reese's marshmallow peanut butter cup (which sucks ass). Then today I was waiting in line at Meijer and the yellow package caught my eye. They sell them in their little retro candy kiosks along with those pressed sugar "suckers", Razzles, and other old school candies. I hopped out of line, wandered into the other kiosks, and emerged with 7 (count them 7) packages, all they had in the store. Part of me worried that it wouldn't taste as good as I remember, but oh my god. I almost had an orgasm. So gooooooooood.
On another note, I bought what better be the best cigarettes in the world. Period. Exclamation Point. A new gas station opened in the middle of nowhere by my parents and they have the cheapest gas around, so I stopped in on my way home and bought two packs of cigarettes and a diet Pepsi. The total? Thirteen fucking 49. $13.49. For almost twice that price I could buy a carton in Indiana. Did I suddenly cross the state line and end up in Michigan? Noo, becuse I could actually buy the same thing for less up there and they charge like 5 bucks for a pack now. Did I step through a teleporter and end up in New York? I don't think so. I guess I've learned to not go back in there for cigarettes. That's outrageously expensive for cigarettes, especially for Ohio!

Damn You Roswell!!!

2006-07-01T01:36:00.000-04:00

So I've had the first 2 seasons of Roswell on DVD ever since they came out, but for some reason I didn't buy the third season, probably it came out when I was distracted by the crackhead. Then the price went up to like $50 and I just couldn't justify spending that much on the show. I ended up finding it used at Second Time Around for $30 and I finally bought it, and I watched the whole season this week in about 3-4 days. I love the show, I fully admit it. I loved it so much that I even went to the bookstore and had them order in the 10 book set that the show was based on (at aroun 5 bucks a book, ee gads!). The books were okay, but not as good as the show. Hell I even have the authorized guide to the show. Roswell helped me and Katy "bond". I had promos for the show on my wall, and the night it aired, we watched it together. The fire alarm went off halfway through the show and while everyone else in the dorm was scrambling for the exits, Katy and I were searching for a blank tape so we wouldn't miss anything:-) (Remember that? Or remember emailing Jason Behr off his website??). The 3rd season wasn't the best, it was when the show moved to UPN, and I even fast forwarded through most of one episode, but it wasn't as bad as I remembered. Then tonight I got to the very last episode and I bawled like a baby. When Valente says goodbye to his son, but gets a job back on the police force (he lost it for protecting the kids), when Isabel says goodbye to her husband, when Maria decides to stay with Michael, when Isabel says goodbye to her parents, and when they show Max and Liz get married. Then I cried when it showed Liz's parents reading her journal and finding out all the secrets. And I especially cried like a baby when the camera pans back and shows the bumper sticker on the back off the van that says, "Thanks for Visiting Roswell". Roswell was one of the best shows on the WB, second in my mind only to Buffy. Yes Angel was good and yes I loved Charmed, but Roswell was more up my alley. I still watch the episodes, rewinding to watch the Michael-Maria relationship over and over again (always liked them better than Liz/Max) and I am still a big fan. Its sad that it only had 3 seasons when crap shows (not to be mentioned) get multiple seasons. I especially hate that the director on one of the commentaries talked about how they planned to continue the show, with the group followed by a branch of the government while trying to do good in the world, because that would have been an awesome show. And now I'm babbling, but if you never watched the show, you should give it a chance.

Annoyed and a Little Frustrated

2006-06-30T23:13:00.000-04:00

The last time I was home, I had my mom call my brother and see when it would be a good time to come up and see my neice and nephew. He said that he'd call us back and then we never heard from him. Yesterday she calls to tell him that we're going out for my birthday (other brother and family included), and he says he'll check with Kathy and let us know what they're doing on Saturday, but of course we never hear from him. I wrote this less than flattering blog about her on my other page and my dad let it slip that she "might" have seen it (whatever that means). It pisses me off because how I feel about her has no bearing whatsoever on how I feel about the kids and I'd like to see them this time because who knows when I'll be back. I even bought my brother this cool Batman poster signed by Frank Miller for his birthday so I told my mom to let him know that it was here and he could get it next week after I leave. Especially since it seems like he's avoiding me. I don't know, I guess it just hurts that my own brother is avoiding me...

I'm Home

2006-06-28T00:14:00.000-04:00

Yesterday I met me "boss" and I use that term loosely because she's inept. Acually let me tell you what happened. I walk into the office at 1:50 and she isn't there yet so I talk to Sandi and Scott, then go back out and have a smoke with Tim. Go back inside when she gets there and she says, "hey Jenn, I'm Amanda but we've already met before," and then it hits me. She was the FUCKING intern who sat in at our orientation last month. In less than a month she went from intern to me fucking boss. I think 26 is too young to have a boss who is younger than you (she's 24). Here's the kicker, I'll get my degree finished in December, but she has another year to go and her degree isn't even in preservation, its in public history. The old supervisor told me that they were not even going to look at applicants who did not already have their Master's. And the real kicker is that she has NO survey experience, not even in a class, so I really do have to teach her how to survey. She came to town today to look at some possible districts for me and she was supposed to make boundaries, but in the end I had to do it myself because she doesn't know how to do it. I am extremely pissed off about the whole situation because I have more experience and more education than her and yet she's my boss because they told me not to apply. The old supervisor's exact words were, "it would be nearly impossible to work full time and finish your thesis". That's funny because the new supervisor hasn't even started her thesis yet. So I said fuck it all and came home today and I'm not going back until next week, probably Wednesday. I have worked my ass off, pulling a full day on Friday then ten hours between then and Saturday on cemeteries, another 5 on Sunday, 10 hours yesterday, and 5 today. I plan on doing some research stuff this weekend, but I need a break from over there right now. I especially need a break from all the bull shit. Oh, and I got my apartment, they called yesterday so I'll be moving soon.

Sitting in the Coffee Shop

2006-06-24T19:23:00.000-04:00

My table tonight has Elvis, STar Wars (ROTJ), ET, and Billy Idol on it, but I didn't chose it on purpose, I just grabbed the first one I saw. And I just had a truly awesome tuna salad sandwich, which made the drive down here worthwhile, and I also went to Best Buy to pick up Lois & Clark, Justice League, and Superman while they were on sale, and they came with a free ticket to see the new movie, so if I'm ever home or in an area with a movie theater, I'm all set. Not much to report, don't like having a roomie, especially one who goes to bed and midnight and gets up at 5 am. Very annoying. Now I have to go because its karaoke night and my head hurts.

I Hate Salem pt. 2

2006-06-22T15:22:00.000-04:00

1. I dropped some Reese's Pieces on the floor Monday night and they disappeared over night. Out of curiosity and disgust, I left a bright yellow M&M (and hello is anyone going to ask why a diabetic has nine billion types of candy in her house) on the floor and the next day it to was gone. I walked into the kitchen and noticed a shit load of gnats and investigated to discover a rotten tomato my dear old mother sent over about 3 weeks ago, stuck to the counter and a James Dean metal sign. I dug out the spray cleaner and attacked the mess, only to discover a even bigger shit load of mouse droppings on the counter. I had to make another midnight run to the car wash to throw away my trash. I then go the bathroom and while in a delicate moment, I can hear the little fuckers running in the walls and I almost ran home to Dayton. So yesterday is a normal day until I stand up and notice something suspicious on the back of my couch. You guessed it, the mice had left me some little presents on the back of the couch. Apparently they were trying to get to an empty wrapper on the couch, or more likely my favorite chips which come fromTarget and there went another trip to the car wash, followed by a 35 minutes trip to Wal-mart to get mouse poison. I laid it out in all the little nooks and cranies, and guess what? They didn't eat it. Now I'm afraid to go to sleep, in fact I haven't been to bed since 10 am yesterday when I got up but I'm running wild on the 4 packs of cigarettes I've had since then (maybe 3, maybe 2 I lost track) and lots of caffeine. So the mice are taken over my house.
2. The library in Salem has exactly 4 computers available for patrons. When I went this week, I had a 30 minute wait, and once I got on, I learned that my blog (this blog) is blocked from their computers due to me failing their language test. They score based on how many times certain words are used, and then assign the page a rating. if the rating falls below a 70, you fail. I scored a 59. I really need to stop cussing.
3. Went back to the library today, and waited for a free computer, curled up in a corner with a book of ghost stories of Indiana, and skipped to all the South Bend ones, which made me think of how much I miss that town. Seriously. After an hour, no computer was free, people were going over their time limit, and the librarian didn't give a shit (oops, now I have a 58), so I left.
4. Monday night we had a hail storm with hail slightly smaller than a golf ball. It wook me up at 3 am, and for a minute it sounded like Eric throwing rocks at the window and I got real confused. It scared the crap out of me too, and the next day I learned that it only happened in the "country" south of Salem, not the city itself.
I'm sitting in the coolest coffee shop in the world right now. The bathrooms are marked male/female by a cardboard stand up of Marilyn Monroe on one door and Elvis on the other, and the walls are covered in old albums, and each table/ seat is decorated with various magazine cut outs. My mom would love the one for the soap Guiding Light, circa 1984. there's also a Bogart chair, a 98 Degrees chair (should I have taken that one?). My table is half Princess Diana, half Frank Sinatra which is an odd combination. Oh and all their food is named after an actor (try the Ceasar Romero salad, or perhaps you'd like a Barbara Streisand smoothie?). Sorry to disappoint, but I went with a sugar free strawberry version. The lady working the register (and who made my drink) is a huge Elvis fan and she went ga-ga over my purse. I'm here for the good food and free internet, but I have to leave soon. Tim is on his way back from Detroit and he's staying with me until Monday, now the mice have a new play mate. I'm heading down to look at two apartments on Saturday and hopefully I can start moving next week. Tuesday is my birthday and the depressing thought is that I'll be spending it alone:-(

One More Thing

2006-06-18T16:27:00.000-04:00

Go here. Scroll down until you get to the piece about the new Superman drinks at 7-11, and if you're in a 7-11, pick me up one of those Superman shield cups, I'm dead serious. There's no 7-11's anywhere even close to where I live now, but come to think of it, I don't know if there's any left around here either. There were a couple up in South Bend where you could pick up a pack of $4-5 cigarettes at 4 am and you were too drunk/stupid/tired to drive across town to the all night Speedway. There's actually a funny story about TJ and I wandering in at 3 am on a Saturday/Sunday after the bar closed, both of us drunk off our ass. TJ wandered around in circles looking for ice cream while I flirted [badly] with the cashier. In our drunken states, the most important thing ever became finding ice cream for him and beef jerkey for me, so we wandered up and down every fucking aisle in the store! We then decided against it, grabbed some cookies and left. As we stumbled into the parking lot, we looked inside, and the 2 cashiers were laughing their asses off at us. Actually now that I think of it, they probably thought we were stoned, huh....Oh well, try to find me a shield cup and I'll love you forever:-)

On the Hunt for a Webcam

2006-06-18T15:30:00.000-04:00

Apparently the only place they exist is online, because that's the only place I've seen them for sale. Been to Target, Wal-mart, Best Buy, Circuit City, etc. I think I might just buy one off ebay and have it shipped here, then my mom can bring it over next week. She's coming over for my birthday, and if I can find a new place, she's going to bring over the Explorer so I can move the majority of my small/boxed stuff over. Of course that means I have to re-pack the dozens of boxes I already unpacked, but it shouldn't be too bad if I do a couple every night this week. Dad will come over later and help me move my furniture. The sucky part is that I'll be paying rent on 2 places for 3 weeks or so, but the good part is that I'll have a place I like and it should only take a week or 2 to get internet set up. When I moved in South bend, I had phone for a couple of days before my internet was installed, and I used the free dial up that came with my computer! I also got an expense check yesterday for $187 which I wasn't expecting, so that was good, and my next expense check will be over $100 because of all the driving I did, so that will be nice too. I'll try to update sometime this week, but if I don't get a chance, I'll post as soon as I can:-)

Yummy Bruce Campbell

2006-06-18T02:33:00.000-04:00

I was finishing up Charmed Season 4 (one of the many television sets I bought at Second Time Around before I went to Salem the first time), and in the very last episode of the season, Bruce Campbell shows up as a FBI agent, or something like that, whose looking for an evil creature who kills people. He is so fucking hot, was, is, and always will be. I have all 3 Evil Dead movies in the deluxe special edition sets. I'm such a dork that I must have bought the different movies six times over, every time they come out with a new "updated' version. Now that I think of it though, some people might not even know who the hell he is. I do remember Ryan doing his "this is my boomstick" impression while watching the Dawn of the Dead remake and being convinced that the guy in that movies looked just like Campbell. Anyway, its late and I'm rambling, and taking a break from a story idea I had. I think you should all read Campbell's book If Chins Could Kill (Confessions of a B Movie Actor) because it has some great stories about growing up in Michigan and some hysterically funny stories about the Sam Rami (aka Mr. Spiderman), and even some cute stories involving Ted Rami who I secretly love:-) I'll try to post one more time before I leave tomorrow (after the race), but if I don't, I'll post in the next week or so when I go to the coffee shop to check my email or finally visit the library. next weekend I'm going apartment hunting and as soon as I find a place, I'll check about internet and hopefully I'll have regular access sometime in July. If not, I'll be back sometime around the 4th of July, and I'll post then. remember my birthday is the 27th, so don't forget me! Actually Katy, what the hell are you guys doing around that time? I could swing by Dayton, stuff Justin in the trunk of my car, and come on down to get sloppy drunk. Maybe I'll even let him out of the trunk...I miss you guys and I miss Blake:-(

Yes or No Survey

2006-06-16T00:49:00.000-04:00

Have you...
1. Dated outside your race?Yup
2. Given a hickey?Hell yes
3. Gotten a hickey?Duh
4. Singing in the shower?Yes
5. Spit in someone's Drink?No.
6. Played with Barbies?Yes
7. Made someone cry?Yes and the list is toooo long
8. Opened your christmas presents early?Yes.
9. Lied to a friend?Yes.
10. Seen "The Goonies" more than 10 times?Not even once
11. Played a Computer game for more than 5 hoursYes, and a big yes for Xbox games
12. Ran through the sprinklers naked?god no
13. Ate food that fell on the floor?Yes depending on where I was. Where I live now? not a fucking chance
14. Went out side naked?Partially
15. Flashed somebody?All the time when I was a teenager
16. mooned somebody?Nope
17. Been on stage?not in awhile, unless you count the bar
18. Been on stage naked or close to it?hell no
19. Been in a parade?Nope
20. Been in a school play?yup
21. Drank beertoo much
22. Gotten detention?Nope, but I did get a Saturday school
23. Been on a plane?nope
24. Been on a cruise?Nope.
25. Broken into a house?my own
26. Gotten a tattoo?Nope.
27. Gotten piercings?just my ears
28. Gotten into a fist fight?once
29. Gotten into a shouting match?um...a couple of time, I have a wicked temper, ask Katy
30. Swallowed sea/pool water?yup on both
31. Spun yourself in circles to get dizzy on purposenope
32. Laughed so hard it hurt?Yup
33. Tripped over your own feet?Yeah, I'm a big old klutz
34. Cried yourself to sleep?Yes
35. Cried in public?Yes
36. Thrown up in publicYes...at the bar...in my cup...and on the table...and almost on TJ
37. Lied to your parents?yup
38. Skipped class?I think I skipped more classes in college then I went to
39. Cried so hard you threw up?no
40. Had more than five bf/gf?yes

Hot Guys

2006-06-16T00:42:00.000-04:00

I just posted this on myspace and I thought you would get a kick out of it too:-)

I was thinking today about the famous guys I've been attracted to through out my life (i.e. my celebrity crushes), and most have either stayed the same or at least had some sort of consistency. Examples:

(1) Billy Zane, pre-Titanic I have to say, especially when he's bald. I saw Demon Knight when I was in high school and I now have almost every movie he's been in, including shitty straight to video releases. Actually, when was the last time he was in anything that played in theaters? Ten years and he's still on my list of hot guys.

(2) Michael Keaton. Yeah, I know, old but apparently I'm attracted to old guys and vice-versa. He is my all time favorite Batman, and I "rediscovered" my crush on him last year. Full circle, just like...

(3) Kirk Cameron. I almost wet my pants when I had a chance to meet him after a speech at UD a few years ago. My friends left me there all alone about an hour into the program and afterwards, he stayed late to talk to me and a dozen or so people who also stuck around. He hugged me and I almost screamed (and felt like a kid again!). He was very sweet in person, still cute, and he encouraged me to get interested in the Left Behind book series as well as finding out more about religion. From Mike Seaver to grown up, still adorable. Much like...

(4) Patrick Dempsey. I watched Can't Buy me Love so many times that I wore out my copy on video when I was a kid (just like Dirty Dancing). Then Scream 3 came along and I forced my best friend Katy to watch his early crappy movies, and bought CBML on video and DVD. Then Grey's Anatomy started and everyone suddenly started talking about what a hottie he was. Ha! I was one of the ones who saw it when he was a dorky teenager. Dempsey also set the bar for me falling for the tall, gawky, dorky guys, and not just famous guys like Adrian Brody but real life boyfriends like Chad who was a blond version of the tall dorky gawky guy.

(5) Liev Schreiber. I joined his fan club after Scream 2 came out and annoyed the hell out of Katy. If you want the full experience of his hotness, see Walking and Talking, The Daytrippers, or A Walk on the Moon. he's lasted for quite awhile on my hot guys list.

There's a million more guys on my list of hotness, like Dean Cain who I've crushed on since his Lois & Clark days, Anthony Michael Hall, and Richard Grieco. Its sad, but most of my crushes from the 80s-90s are still around or at the very least have come back around. Hell, I even still have the mild hots for Jonathon Knight from New Kids on the Block. I'm pathetic.

Apparently I'm not a Big Fan of Doctors Either!

2006-06-14T23:24:00.000-04:00

So I went to the doctor today about my foot, even though it wasn't hurting as bad. But I figured since it was still all gross looking with a real hole in it, that I should go in. I go to "my" doctor, who I've only seen once because he replaced my old doctor of 10+ years when he moved to Texas. Anyway, he prods it a couple of times and decides that it looks like there is something in there, so he sends me down to X-ray. I come back, sit in the room for fifteen minutes by myself and he says there's nothing they can see in the scans (i.e. no glass) and he then tells me that it now looks to him like some weird kind of wart that was popping up when I stepped on the glass and it messed up its formation. He suggests I see a podiatrist, and offers me a referral. I go home, thinking I'll try an over the counter remedy and see how that works. I'm outside smoking a cigarette when the doctor's office calls and tells me that they made me appointment in Troy because upon further review of the film, the doctor thought he saw something. I get back in the car (with my mom this time), drive to Troy, and go to that doctor. I have to go through an entire medical history of myself, my parents, and both sets of my grandparents. The doctor comes in and takes a mini-scapel to my foot. With no anesticia, he starts scrapping away the skin that's built up, digging the pointed end into the little hole there and just cutting pieces off. The really gross part was that the dead skin was all yellow (eww and sorry). He tells me that there's nothing there, or if there was then it came off with the skin. He also says that I had an abcess that got infected, then once it was gone, my foot tried to heal over the infection but there was still an infection so it formed that little hole. He told me to use neosporin and cover it with a band aid. The best part of the day was that I had to pay $20 copay at my doctor then another $35 at the podiatrist because he's a specialist, so it cost $55 to have some dead skin hacked off. Not a fun day. My plan to move is going full force. I'm going to check out some places next weekend and once I find a place, I'm calling SBC to get internet, so it will be the middle of July probably when I'm up and running again full force in my new hometown:-)

Don't Worry Katy

2006-06-12T17:08:00.000-04:00

Right now I'm at my parents because I have a doctor's appointment on Wednesday. Then (I think) I'm going up to Michigan on Thursday for the Roush Racing open house because Biffle, Mark martin, and Matt Kenseth are going to be there. Then its back to Salem (Indiana by the way). I got this fairly mean email from my boss today about how she knows I'm having telephone difficulties, but they really need to be able to get in touch with me because I am the senior surveyor and from now on ,or until I get a phone, I have to check my email at least once a day. Its pretty frustrating because she's asking me all these questions about the South Bend survey, stuff that I asked my old boss before she left and never answered me about, so I don't know what's going on. I emailed her, to say that I would be moving soon because of the whole phone thing and she emailed me back this fairly light hearted email, which was nice. Its frustrating because they knew what the area was like when they put us there, but no one bothered to tell us about all the dead spots and random crap (like co-op electric companies). hopefully I will be able to get this all straightened out soon. The fun part is that classes start for me again on Monday, so I'll be stuck with library computers for awhile. My mom suggested I just find another place, sign a lease, and start moving/living as soon as possible, which means paying 2 rents for the month of June, but it looks like the best ption. If I do find a place, then I'll be able to start internet within a couple of weeks, but we'll see what happens...

So Confused

2006-06-12T01:05:00.000-04:00

When my parents got home today, I told my mom that I was now planning on staying in my little house and she got really quiet but didn't say anything except that it was my decision (duh). Then she started dropping these little hints or saying these strange little things, so I finally asked her what she thought or what she would do, and she said she wouldn't stay anywhere that made her unhappy and she could tell that I wasn't happy. I started running through this pro/con list and it was fairly annoying. Like if I stay there until the end of summer, I'll still have to get phone service until then, and be stuck with dial up for a few months. Plus if I stay there, I have to sign a year long contract with Verizon, meaning that I'll have crappy (and expensive) service until my contract runs out, or have to pay them the huge early termination fee. But if I move to one of the bigger cities, I can go back to SBC and get phone and wireless for only $10 more than I'd have to pay for telephone alone in Salem. I have to make a decision soon because I have to let my landlord know by the end of the week. I did find a place in one of the larger cities in the area that has vacancies now, but didn't last month. It's $360 a month (I'm paying $350) with a much smaller security deposit, free cable, less than five miles from a Target and Wal-mart, 30 minutes to a movie theater, allows pets, and has a pool. Not that I would ever use the pool, but it would be nice to sit alongside it when I'm not working! I don't know though, my mind is still racing. I really should live closer to Louisville because I have a much better chance of finding a job after I graduate down there with all their preservation stuff, but I just can't make up my mind:-) Can't someone do it for me??

Too Cool

2006-06-11T14:50:00.000-04:00

Anyone who knows me, knows that I am mildly addicted to Chuck Taylors. I have high tops in black, and hot pink, and low ones in yellow, orange, and Carolina blue (love the name!). About a month ago I bought a pair of low tops in coral pink that have no laces because they're slips ons, they look just like regular ones only sans laces. Anyway, I picked up Jane magazine today and was flipping through the pages, and there were my shoes! I'm so excited that I actually own something that could be construed as trendy because I usually don't have anything trendy, cool though.
PS, I decided to stay in the house I'm living in. I'm tired of living in transition, I want to unpack my stuff and not have to deal with packing, unpacking, finding a place, new deposits, etc. It's just a big pain in the ass, so I'm going to throw myself into trying to make my place more homey and comfortable. I can deal with it, especially since it won't be forever and fairly soon I'll be looking for another job soon too. Though I will miss not living in Louisville because its such a fucking-A kind of city. Ah well, I should have taken this all into consideration earlier:-)

Unbelievable

2006-06-10T15:16:00.000-04:00

So I finally get through to Verizon and they confirm that yes, my house does exist. However, for just telephone service (no internet, not even dial up) it would be $39 a month. They don't charge for installation, but they charge $6.50 every month for a single telephone line in my place, plus a bunch of little miscellaneous charges. And I don't even get long distance with that plan; I have to pay 5 cents for each minutes which is fun because all the other surveyors including those who are from the area are long distance because the calling area is so small. The thing is that I could live without internet in my house (barely) becuase of the coffee shop the next town over, but I can't not have a phone. My cell hardly ever has service and I'm going insane, bouncing off the walls not being able to talk to anyone, and when I do want to talk to someone without running around the driveway saying "are you there? can you hear me?" then I have to drive the 10 minutes to downtown Salem. It sucks, so now I'm back on the apartment hunt!

I Hate Salem

2006-06-10T00:17:00.000-04:00

I almost had an orgasm when I got online just now. Its only been Sunday since I used the internet last but I almost went insane. I'm home, until Wendesday at least when I have a doctor's appointment and then it depends on what he does to my foot. Monday we had orientation, then Tuesday my supervisor takes me aside to tell me that she's "uncomfortable" sending Sandi into the county she's working in because she is black and the county is 99.98% white. Sandi and I go out to lunch together and proceed to discuss the situation and our waitress tells us that she lives in that area and had 2 biracial kids who both left because of the way they were treated. To make a long story short, we go out there and nothing happens except that we meet a super nice lady who runs the tourism bureau and a super nice sheriff who gives us directions to the "shoe tree" which is the big thing out there. Its this tree out in the middle of nowhere that for some reason people throw their shoes onto, and I have pics that I'll post later. We also found this completely burned out shell of a cabin down by the river that I also took pics of because it looks completely haunted. We ended up working from 9 am, to pulling into the parking lot of my car after 9 pm. Then Tuesday I go to the phone company about internet and phone, only to have them tell me that though I'm 2.4 miles from the company and less than 2 miles from that city, I'm "too far into the city of Salem" for them to service me, but I'm 8 miles from the Salem city limits. They told me that I needed to call Verizon which told me before I started moving that they didn't offer phone service in my area. My neighbor tells me that they have a Verizon cell phone, but no home phone, and my cell phone does not work in the house, only in the middle of my driveway. I also have no garbage collection, I have to take it to the county dump. Then I get home late Wedensday planning to have dinner and watch a DVD, and when I'm walking through the kitchen, I catch something out of the corner of my eye. It was a FUCKING DEAD BIRD in the kitchen, and it had been dead for awhile. It takes 10 minutes to sweep up all the little pieces with me trying not to hurl and then I drive to the gas station and throw it in their dumpster. Cut to me working yesterday and discovering that my map (the one my boss gave me), is completely wrong; there are streets where there aren't any listed and streets not listed that should be there. Then I come home after working yesterday and discover a dead mouse in the bathroom closet. It really, really, really sucks. My lease is month to month, but I have to give a month's notice, so I'm seriously thinking of giving my notice and finding another place. I am sooo not a country girl, and I have a hard time sleeping without the noises of the city around me. Plus I miss having a landlord or handy man right down the hall, and having someone right across from me. I don't know what posessed me to rent a house, but I'm ready to leave and to prove it, I haven't even unpacked yet!

Last Post:-(

2006-06-04T01:14:00.000-04:00

Ugh, I can't explain how much I don't want to move to Salem, but tomorrow is the big day. I decided (well dad decided) that I should take the Explorer because I have to move a bunch of stuff and my work stuff alone fills the trunk of my car, so I don't have a lot of room. He spent most of the night going over the SUV to make sure it's working fine since I'll be doing a lot of driving. Orientation is about 45 minutes from where I live, but I get reimbursed for my mileage, and I have to be there both Monday and Tuesday. Its kind of cool because I get to lead some of the training and that goes on my resume. I did get a lot of stuff done today, but because my dad was working on the car, I couldn't make the car so tomorrow I have to do all that. Plus unload whatever is in my car and put it in the Explorer. I plan on leaving around 5 or 6, depending on what time the race ends. The funny part is that I might have to turn around and come back this weekend or more likely next week, if I can get in to see my doctor. Remember when I stepped on that piece of glass before the fire? Well, it felt like there was still something in there, but it didn't hurt or anything so I kinda forgot about it. Then the other day when I woke up, there was a little tiny circle there where i stepped on the glass and the skin is all rough and swollen, plus it hurts a little when I walk on it. So if it doesn't get better, I'll have to go to the doctor. Wish me luck since I have no telephone (other than cell), no cable, and no internet. I'll be one bored little puppy!

Shit, Shit, Shit!!!

2006-06-03T02:20:00.000-04:00

So I go into my classes tonight, to upload my final project for preservation class as well as an essay that was due before the end of the term and when I click on the link, they both say that I've already submitted those assignments even though there's nothing there, and it has my grade listed as 0/100. I end up emailing both of them to my professor, then check the syllabus and its absolutely no help because he hasn't changes the dates since last fall. Then I check my art history syllabus and guess what? Classes ended on June 1st. Well that sucks. I have no idea how many points he'll take off for the work being late, or if he'll even count it at all. If he doesn't, then I'll drop from an A to at least a B- in my grade, probably even lower. You know what's funny though? I don't really care! I only have this summer (bull shit classes) and then in the fall I'm doing my thesis, so then I'll be done. Katy, I fully plan on coming down that way when I graduate and getting so drunk that I pass out doing snow angels in your yard. Or until I'm doing body shots off Fry....ew, that sounded really bad. Justin, I might pop into BB and kidnap you and make you go with me too:-). Of course this is months from now, but you have to plan in advance! especially since after that, I'll have to get a "real" job and then who knows where I'll end up. Oh and Katy? Let me know that you aren't dead, and when you have a night off because it's been toooooooo fucking long, and Justin can only be my surrogate best friend for so long. I miss you guys!

2006-06-02T23:32:00.000-04:00

My kitty cat, and one of my new end tables

Running Out of Time :-)

2006-06-02T23:09:00.001-04:00

I remember when I first came home after the fire and it seemed like it would be sooo long until I had to move and start real field work again. Now I'm leaving in less than 48 hours and it feels like I should be having a panic attack because its so soon. I can't believe the amount of stuff I have to do before I leave;
-pay my credit card bill at the store
-have an extra key made
-finish up my school work
-finish the South Bend work that needs to be turned in on Monda or Tuesday
-find out how to get to the place where orientation is
-finish packing
-pack the car
-do laundry
There's more to the list, but I'm sick of writing about it. Plus, I bought the Dukes of Hazzard seasons 4 and 5 this week, and realized today that I already have season 4, so at some point I have to take it back to Best Buy. My mom wants us to do a bunch of stuff when she gets home tomorrow, so that's a big block of time taken away too. I'm hoping to get the school work and part of the work-work done tonight, which will make things easier, but we'll see how that goes:-) I'm also hoping orientation doesn't run past 4 because that will give me time to hit the phone company early in the week and hopefully have some internet within a week or two. I'm also planning on talking to the cable company down there and see if they have a discount for DSL and cable because that would be nice. Dial up won't be too bad I guess, since I plan on coming home more than I did when I lived in South Bend. Then again, maybe one of the guys working in the other counties will be hot and then I won't come home at all!

Running Out of Time :-)

2006-06-02T23:09:00.000-04:00

I'm Pathetic

2006-06-01T23:21:00.000-04:00

It just kind of hit me earlier, but I am really and truly pathetic. I was watching an episode of Law & Order: Special Victims Unit and all of the sudden I started feeling miserable. What the fuck is wrong with me? Out of the 3 men I'm currently semi-interested in, all 3 are unavailable and even if they were avilable, they'd be unattainable to me. Two are married and one is a crack head. What the hell does that say about me? Am I incapable of finding someone who I could realistically have a relationship with? Even when I got a break from the crack head, the guy turned out to be a cheater. Is there really a loser magnet stuck on my forehead that draws these men to me? Oh, and don't forget that I actually went on a fucking date with a guy named Li'l (not little) Mike, who was a drug dealer, not that I knew it when I agreed to a date, but that doesn't change the fact that a fucking drug dealer was attracted to me. Trust me, if you know a guy who is an asshole, an alcoholic, a drug addict, or any combination of the above, then he will be interested in me. Oops, and let's not forget that my longest relationship to date, was with a married man! They were separated, but it doesn't change the fact that he was married. There it is, my longest relationship ever was with him. Its not like I'm not over those guys, but it just sucks to know that none of them are available and if they were, then they would pass me over like I wasn't even there. Just call me Sue Storm I guess.

Wow, I Don't Even Know What to Say

2006-06-01T21:47:00.000-04:00

OK, so I haven't really talked on here about Eric and what's going on with him, mainly because I didn't want everyone to jump down my throat. He was in this in patient treatment program where he was taking drugs, regular therapy, and (ee gads) shock therapy to "treat" his addiction, and I have to admit that while it completely blew my mind, it also seemed to be working. I guess he ended up there after a particularly bad bender that made what happened with me the last time, look like a walk in the park. Anyway, he was upbeat and more positive than I had ever heard him act, and then like it always does, the bottom fell out. He fucked up again and now he's going to North Carolina to a rehab program down there. Honestly, the thought of it makes me laugh because while he has all these good memories of when he lived down there, it was also where the crack problem really started. So I'm not sure why anyone thinks this is a good idea, but its none of my business. You know, despite this hurting, it isn't unexpected; we all knew he was going to fuck up again, we just didn't know when. Also I can safely say that I am very impressed that in all this time, he never once asked me for money again. Its weird because today was a good day for me, I had a good day and even though this kind of threw me a little, I'm not going to let this bring me down. What I am going to do, is let him go. I already have two old flames I can fantasize about until someone new comes along, and one of those I actually did have sex with, so I'm going to focus on that. And after Sunday I'll be sans internet and cable, so it will give me some quiet time to reflect on everything and do some working on me!